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07 September 2004 @ 01:02 am
The room was still familiar, all famlilar, which was nice because I was about to lose my mind. I mean, so much has happen these last couple of days it's been absolutely INSANE. First the whole kiss.. which was nice might I add -- really nice -- then Buffy attacking Connor, then Lisette, then getting ACCUSED of sleeping around -- just, wow, attack the Safi day! Can this possibly get any worse?

Yes it can. I'm gonna get attacked for taking Wesley's scruffyness but I can't STAND it anymore -- it's so itchy! And, ew, this four o'clock shadow thing is just not working -- or is it five o'clock? GAH! I never remember! But I nabbed a shaver and some shaving cream.. lucky me.. and I took a deep breath when I stared at the mirror and began lathering up my face.

That's when the thoughts went roaming.

I kissed Connor -- well, Tamara's lips, but it was Connor. He kissed me! It was so unexpecting too.. and I think I was too dorkish or something. Whaddya expect? First kiss and I'm in a man's body! Guh. But, I'm feeling so different now. I have butterflies constantly not to mention his "promise" keeps repeating itself in my head. He's just so nice.. and he has a pretty smile. You just can't tell that he's a vampire..

Everytime I talk to him, I keep forgetting that. Vampire with a soul, but still a vampire. Of all the boys to crush on it's him. What am I going to do? Every sensible bone inside me is telling me this is wrong and dangerous.. but everything that's -- hmm, how to describe it -- err.. EVERYTHING else is telling me that this is just.. I don't know, nice? Because I don't see him as some bloodsucker, I see him as a normal boy.

Which he's not. What am I going to do if this relationship get's a little deeper than just a crush? DUH Safi, stop it before it does! This ain't some dramatic fairytale because GOD knows you don't want that! But.. I don't want it to stop.. I don't want to hurt him. Or hurt me -- and I don't mean the futurewise thing, I mean now.

This is so hard.

I know if anyone really finds out they'll just slap me. Lisette being one.. I still need to talk to her and find her because I don't know who else to turn to. I feel lost and empty. And.. really alone. I've been wanting to get with her since she came.. back.. no, don't think on THAT again Safi -- last time you did that you cried yourself to tears.

Tell my Mom and Dad? HUH. Surrrre. Hey Mom, y'know I'm training to kill vampires, right? WELL! I just kissed one! AND I HAD A PENIS ON TOP OF IT. Oh.. my.. GOD. They would FREAK out and tear me completely from this place -- which wouldn't be a bad idea if I thought of this weeks ago.

But I don't want to leave anymore.

And let's not get started on Mr. Brown -- he would not be down with this. At all.

I sighed, looking up to the mirror and seeing the shaving work I've done with all these thoughts pouring through me. WOAH. TALK ABOUT A POOR JOB SAFI -- I had nicks EVERYWHERE. I frantically took the toilet paper and dabbed the blood off, sticking little pieces on in each nick. Ow. Ow! Ow! Ow!

And I forgot the aftershave!

Guuuh. This so wasn't my night. I needed a drink.
Current Mood: anxiousanxious