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09 April 2005 @ 05:35 pm
now_ish Finding ways to pierce through the darkness.  
Remind me to never blink again. The crowd scattered away from one another as they went back to their lives and in some cases, trying to figure out what to do with this troubling spell that mysteriously came over us. If this is the bad guys' doing couldn't they have come up with something a little more.. creative? Truth spell.. doesn't sound that harmful but I guess with people like this particular group it could be pretty damn disasterous. Luckily for me I really couldn't think of anything that I was trying to hide from someone.. of course, that could change when the talking begins to start. Okay. That's good enough reason for me. Safi's mouth is out of business until word spreads that the spell is done.

Or so I think.

Automatically when I saw Carly I wanted to approach her and thank her again for what she's done for me.. we really never exchanged anything but passing glances ever since she healed me. Of course, with Giles' sudden appearance, my feet went treking back into the shadows and away from his sight as he went passing through. Yes, bad.. bad Safi. But I'd HATE to hear the things he'd say to me while we're training with this spell up in the air. Oh God, I could imagine. I would go 'hey, how am I doing?' and he'd say something along these lines 'absolutely terrible' with that stuck-up British accent of his. Oh yeah, talk about a motivation killer.

Maybe I should take advantage of this.. give some perks to this situation. Maybe I should hunt Connor down and get the real answers out of him. It'll be blunt, truthful, and would probably save loads and loads of tylenol from my brain. The whole thing? It's just very dumb. I'm turning eighteen soon and I'm spinning around like some thirteen year old with a crush and after all this time, I still don't know what's going on. I'm tired of the games.. it's just so hard not to lose myself when I'm around him. It's really pitiful and I want to kick myself sometimes for it. It's confusing times like these I really wish Mom was around but noooo, her and Dad decided it'd be great just to abandon all contact with me and leave Los Angeles. First my Watcher and then them.

Man, do I feel the love around here. They all had wonderful faith in me. It didn't stop me from missing them.. especially while I cooped myself up in that room. There's so many people around here but sometimes, especially now with all the appearing new faces, I feel so alone. Disconnected because everything is running ahead too quickly and I can't keep up..

UGH. Now I'm sounding whiney. Why can't I just keep my mind one subject?! Like.. the truth spell problem?

I watched as my Watcher's attention were directed to Buffy when she came walking up, assuring me a haven for a little while. As soon as I deemed it safe to step back out to the public Carly was already talking to someone who was helping her with the party clean-up. Damn. Maybe another time? It's probably some sign sent down to me from somewhere saying I really shouldn't talk to anyone. Probably best. Little did I know they were going to send to me the most talkative person out of this entire hotel..
Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
safi_wannabe on July 19th, 2005 10:52 pm (UTC)